sábado, 15 de abril de 2017

Bizarre March: Titanic Animated



Do you remember when James Cameron surpassed “Jurassic Park” as the highest-grossing film of all time with “Titanic”? And when he self-plagiarized ten years later with “Avatar”? Until then, plenty of production companies try to cash-on the success with movies, documentaries, videogames, Stealth Sequels and parodies. But none of those imitations have been as hated as the animated adaptations, both Italian, both horrible. Today we will take a look to the “less bad” of the two, “Titanic: The legend goes on”, better known as Titanic Animated. It was directed by Camilo Teti on 2000, who also produced “The Arc”, “Killer Crocodile 2” and “Computron 22”. I find incredible the existence of an Spanish dub. The film starts with piano music while the Titanic sinks (SPOILERS). We can see the animation isn’t very fluid, it looks like slow-motion. After zooming to the protagonist’s eye, we see the movie will be told trough a flashback.
-You will never find your beloved mother. *Repeat*
You may get that they didn’t just copy Cameron. Let’s see: the protagonist has stepmother and stepsisters, like Cinderella. Even the fucking cat and speaks with mice. But Disney rip-offs don’t end there, they have the Dalmatians, Horace & Gaspar, the lady but without the tramp, the chef from “The Little Mermaid” and guess the name of the villain.
-Does your molar hurt, Gaston?
-Who does he think he is?
It looks like a Disney crossover! But copies don’t end there either. They also have three Speedy Gonzalez and a Sherlock Holmes.
-Hi, I’m a flagrant violation of copyright, love me!
They even plagiarize characters nobody wants, like Poochie the rapper and bilingual dog.
-Hey, you need to know something, so I’m telling you. Relax, forget it, enjoy the show (Continues rapping in English)
-So Poochie is aggressive.
-And he’s taunting me!
Yes, and there is not one, but two musical numbers: the rapping dog and the Mexican mice. The film isn’t consistent with itself. Some animals can speak with the humans while others can’t.
-Did you understand thaaaat?
Curiously, the roles are reversed with Cameron. The woman is poor, while the man is rich. But the romance is equally under-developed.
-Oh, but what will my stepmother say? And Bernice? And Ortens? And Farfour?
Some people got offended because Cameron’s version focused on an invented romance instead of the real survivors. With this one, victims have to be revolting in their icebergs. Filler isn’t just singing animals, they also do another musical montage with the couple, with even more flashbacks to the two or three scenes they shared! The norm is using flashbacks to go deeper in the story, not excuses to recycle animation!
*The singer screams like The Thing (1982)*
Even the ending of the film is the recycled beginning! They only added how the protagonist reunited with her boyfriend and mother. And when you think everything ended…
-Wait, wait, where are you going? The movie hasn’t ended yet. Don’t you want to know what happened to everybody? At least we’re having luck. To thank us for saving him, our friend the chef let us stay on his new workplace: the kitchen of one of New York’s most elegant restaurants.
They rip-off “Ratatouille” years before existing!
THE END

When are you going to review the other one???

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